








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 73 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 23 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
674 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,645 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 230 | 14% |
| Smokes | 498 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 502 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 415 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $156,891 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 67 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | NiToManato | 56% | 9 |
| #6 | chilly | 52% | 56 |
| #7 | Ninj0x* | 50% | 4 |
| #8 | SolaN | 43% | 7 |
| #9 | 7ersen | 33% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chilly | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #2 | Hagelund | 1 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sniw | 35 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #2 | 7ersen | 35 | 0.26 | 1 min |
| #3 | chilly | 31 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | trymster | 31 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | Hagelund | 30 | 0.11 | 1 min |





