








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 236 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 249 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 14 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2767 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,865 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3150 | 23% |
| Smokes | 3820 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 3868 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 3027 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $892,414 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 101 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ShOrTy | 75% | 20 |
| #2 | Deadahead | 71% | 51 |
| #3 | [PG] Wüste | 63% | 32 |
| #4 | ResiStance | 62% | 21 |
| #5 | p1ngu | 59% | 115 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | Anna Aal | 48% | 25 |
| #14 | _tattoo_girl_ | 47% | 19 |
| #15 | empty | 46% | 59 |
| #16 | Jonny2k | 44% | 36 |
| #17 | Hαδεž | 40% | 85 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jim Panse | 5 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | p1ngu | 4 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | empty | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | 「Silverf4x」 | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | ✪r4GE | 2 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hαδεž | 269 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #2 | p1ngu | 121 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #3 | ✪ moon-A- EIZO | 86 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | [PG] BROWNY | 78 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | Deadahead | 77 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ moon-A- EIZO | +2.55 | 70 | 57 |
| #2 | [PG] Wüste | +2.26 | 68 | 59 |
| #3 | Jim Panse | +2.05 | 67 | 58 |
| #4 | empty | +1.60 | 75 | 71 |
| #5 | Anna Aal | +1.49 | 63 | 52 |





