








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 981 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 903 matches | ||
| Wingman | 157 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 22 different maps





Our logs show 75 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9977 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 34,009 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8062 | 24% |
| Smokes | 4363 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 11689 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 9895 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,617,182 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 540 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jim Panse | 57% | 189 |
| #2 | FlyHigh!.wtf.HaRrY | 55% | 83 |
| #3 | Deadahead | 54% | 419 |
| #4 | ✪r4GE | 53% | 276 |
| #5 | »★PG★« Kollegin Schnürschuh | 52% | 67 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hαδεž | 18 | 0.0009 |
| #2 | 「Silverf4x」 | 11 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | Jim Panse | 11 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | empty | 9 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | ✪r4GE | 9 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hαδεž | 3436 | 0.17 | 85 min |
| #2 | [PG] BROWNY | 683 | 0.10 | 16 min |
| #3 | 345 player. | 586 | 0.25 | 18 min |
| #4 | Deadahead | 568 | 0.06 | 16 min |
| #5 | 「Silverf4x」 | 534 | 0.05 | 12 min |





