








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 357 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 265 matches | ||
| Faceit | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3221 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,799 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1168 | 13% |
| Smokes | 2029 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 3709 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 1893 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,593,035 of utility $207 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 172 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bucky | 60% | 77 |
| #2 | deVice | 59% | 22 |
| #3 | örm | 55% | 44 |
| #4 | HorstOfWar | 53% | 78 |
| #5 | MDMA-- | 52% | 94 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MDMA-- | 8 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | meDDn | 7 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | z3n | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | XyLoNm^ goes !nSanE | 5 | 0.0064 |
| #5 | HorstOfWar | 3 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | meDDn | 1233 | 0.27 | 28 min |
| #2 | Nikomania | 260 | 0.24 | 7 min |
| #3 | MDMA-- | 218 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #4 | K-K | DerSuff | 215 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #5 | z3n | 201 | 0.07 | 4 min |





