








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 19 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
411 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 591 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 236 | 40% |
| Smokes | 48 | 8% |
| HE Grenades | 190 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 117 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $337,647 of utility $257 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 49 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Zane | 38% | 24 |
| #4 | Pond_ | 28% | 39 |
| #5 | Zero | 27% | 22 |
| #6 | RatPopper | 23% | 13 |
| #7 | MeatWad | 18% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RatPopper | 7 | 0.0273 |
| #2 | Pond_ | 6 | 0.0079 |
| #3 | Zane | 3 | 0.0065 |
| #4 | Zero | 3 | 0.0068 |
| #5 | Bud Lightning | 2 | 0.0071 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zane | 134 | 0.29 | 3 min |
| #2 | Pond_ | 36 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #3 | Zero | 30 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #4 | MeatWad | 26 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | RatPopper | 9 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zane | +3.34 | 84 | 77 |
| #2 | RatPopper | +0.03 | 63 | 32 |
| #3 | Zero | -0.30 | 27 | 41 |
| #4 | Pond_ | -1.47 | 31 | 39 |
| #5 | Bud Lightning | -1.74 | 32 | 27 |





