








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 120 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 84 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1344 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,156 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 632 | 20% |
| Smokes | 913 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 934 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 677 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $475,105 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 144 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tuff | 57% | 21 |
| #2 | Bamse | 52% | 61 |
| #3 | Tuff | 47% | 36 |
| #4 | 【 ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛】 | 46% | 137 |
| #5 | The"ROCK" | 38% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Bamse | 52% | 61 |
| #3 | Tuff | 47% | 36 |
| #4 | 【 ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛】 | 46% | 137 |
| #5 | The"ROCK" | 38% | 78 |
| #6 | Naduki | 14% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 【 ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛】 | 11 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | Bamse | 7 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | Tuff | 5 | 0.0063 |
| #4 | The"ROCK" | 4 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | Naduki | 4 | 0.0136 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 【 ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛】 | 869 | 0.30 | 21 min |
| #2 | The"ROCK" | 231 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | Tuff | 180 | 0.23 | 5 min |
| #4 | Bamse | 161 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #5 | Tuff | 126 | 0.27 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tuff | +3.26 | 79 | 59 |
| #2 | 【 ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛】 | +2.86 | 83 | 64 |
| #3 | Bamse | +0.65 | 75 | 63 |
| #4 | Tuff | -0.69 | 64 | 66 |
| #5 | Naduki | -1.19 | 43 | 46 |





