








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 102 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 29 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
794 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,265 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1047 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1341 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1061 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 816 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $408,988 of utility $171 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 118 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | olt | 71% | 14 |
| #2 | DIXIE NORMOUS | 62% | 13 |
| #3 | fEn | 56% | 9 |
| #4 | tÔtt :þ | 50% | 14 |
| #5 | almas187 | 50% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cubansnake | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | veslebrun | 1 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | DIXIE NORMOUS | 1 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | almas187 | 151 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #2 | Taake | 68 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #3 | running | 45 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | veslebrun | 41 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | cubansnake | 39 | 0.07 | 1 min |





