








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
217 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 625 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 143 | 23% |
| Smokes | 154 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 161 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 167 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $43,926 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | melb_ | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | bernarnold | 57% | 14 |
| #3 | Torland | 55% | 11 |
| #4 | Søt Mus | 53% | 17 |
| #5 | fitzij | 50% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Søt Mus | 53% | 17 |
| #5 | fitzij | 50% | 18 |
| #6 | Raptor Kølle | 44% | 18 |
| #7 | SillyCircle | 33% | 3 |
| #8 | Customer Service | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fitzij | 2 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | Raptor Kølle | 1 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Raptor Kølle | 187 | 0.53 | 6 min |
| #2 | bernarnold | 32 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #3 | Søt Mus | 26 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | fitzij | 24 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | Torland | 7 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | melb_ | +9.49 | 83 | 64 |
| #2 | Søt Mus | +3.77 | 81 | 41 |
| #3 | H3wro | +1.02 | 78 | 57 |
| #4 | fitzij | +0.49 | 65 | 42 |
| #5 | Raptor Kølle | -0.69 | 63 | 84 |





