








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 149 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 127 matches | ||
| Wingman | 32 matches | ||
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2129 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,677 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1205 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1403 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1400 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1669 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $859,926 of utility $197 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 44 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jakk | 41% | 137 |
| #2 | sleepy | 41% | 147 |
| #3 | ᛠᛞᛗᚢᚾᛞ | 41% | 32 |
| #4 | seb | 38% | 84 |
| #5 | the|Supreme | 36% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | sleepy | 41% | 147 |
| #3 | ᛠᛞᛗᚢᚾᛞ | 41% | 32 |
| #4 | seb | 38% | 84 |
| #5 | the|Supreme | 36% | 22 |
| #6 | Talon | 27% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jakk | 5 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | seb | 5 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | ᛠᛞᛗᚢᚾᛞ | 2 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | sleepy | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sleepy | 877 | 0.28 | 25 min |
| #2 | jakk | 427 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #3 | seb | 344 | 0.20 | 9 min |
| #4 | ᛠᛞᛗᚢᚾᛞ | 164 | 0.26 | 4 min |
| #5 | the|Supreme | 120 | 0.25 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | alcaponed | +0.87 | 79 | 53 |
| #2 | Talon | +0.76 | 82 | 59 |
| #3 | ᛠᛞᛗᚢᚾᛞ | +0.27 | 68 | 80 |
| #4 | sleepy | +0.11 | 69 | 65 |
| #5 | jakk | -0.48 | 73 | 63 |





