








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 261 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 153 matches | ||
| Premier | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2645 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,834 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3421 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3543 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2495 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 3375 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $629,621 of utility $94 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 177 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | alcaponed | 41% | 137 |
| #6 | sleepy | 40% | 146 |
| #7 | seb | 37% | 86 |
| #8 | Talon | 37% | 19 |
| #9 | the|Supreme | 26% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | seb | 5 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | sleepy | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | alcaponed | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | ᛠᛞᛗᚢᚾᛞ | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | Talon | 1 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sleepy | 831 | 0.27 | 23 min |
| #2 | seb | 345 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| #3 | alcaponed | 236 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #4 | ᛠᛞᛗᚢᚾᛞ | 187 | 0.24 | 5 min |
| #5 | the|Supreme | 106 | 0.25 | 3 min |





