








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 20 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
693 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,660 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 32 | 2% |
| Smokes | 351 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 640 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 637 | 38% |
Our logs show you have wasted $316,044 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | trooser | 24% | 17 |
| #10 | morde24 | 17% | 12 |
| #11 | mollyislame | 17% | 18 |
| #12 | justhoohaa | 17% | 60 |
| #13 | gloryd | 0% | 7 |





