








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 82 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 64 matches | ||
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
928 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,210 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 697 | 22% |
| Smokes | 777 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 890 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 846 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $289,544 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 49 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 'SýningarmaðuriNN | 100% | 5 |
| #2 | Freynar | 100% | 7 |
| #3 | Knifeka | 100% | 8 |
| #4 | Jazzycakes | 94% | 16 |
| #5 | 你媽媽性感 | 88% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | e1zarinn | 50% | 8 |
| #14 | HODGY♛ | 50% | 12 |
| #15 | ManijaK | 44% | 9 |
| #16 | -SoDY- | 44% | 9 |
| #17 | ⒾⓃⒻⒶⓃⓉⒶ | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -SoDY- | 2 | 0.0095 |
| #2 | ManijaK | 1 | 0.0061 |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -->mio<-- | +4.92 | 56 | 31 |
| #2 | Freynar | +4.55 | 73 | 58 |
| #3 | Knifeka | +2.75 | 44 | 49 |
| #4 | HODGY♛ | +2.39 | 73 | 75 |
| #5 | bNi- | +1.69 | 79 | 57 |





