








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 434 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 281 matches | ||
| Wingman | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 135 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2867 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,375 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2459 | 18% |
| Smokes | 4681 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 3107 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3128 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,095,846 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 396 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mostop | 56% | 27 |
| #2 | maikel shumaker | 53% | 40 |
| #3 | LIX | 44% | 27 |
| #4 | Schmuserkadser | 44% | 39 |
| #5 | mair | 44% | 147 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BeißBeiß | 7 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | P-DOG | 6 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | mair | 6 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | _Hustle_ aka Silence | 4 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Daeryll | 4 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | maikel shumaker | 254 | 0.29 | 8 min |
| #2 | P-DOG | 226 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #3 | _Hustle_ aka Silence | 168 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #4 | mair | 105 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #5 | Fuark | 79 | 0.07 | 2 min |





