








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 253 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4214 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,194 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2769 | 21% |
| Smokes | 4461 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 2776 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3188 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,303,968 of utility $159 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 56 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lobster | 47% | 60 |
| #2 | KennY | 44% | 93 |
| #3 | jefedubois | 41% | 61 |
| #4 | STALKER | 39% | 46 |
| #5 | boogie⭕⃤ | 34% | 70 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | boogie⭕⃤ | 6 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | KennY | 5 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | jefedubois | 4 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | STALKER | 4 | 0.0043 |
| #5 | Lobster | 3 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jefedubois | 197 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #2 | Lobster | 143 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | ImDallas | 126 | 0.27 | 4 min |
| #4 | STALKER | 99 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | KennY | 91 | 0.05 | 2 min |





