










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1317 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 811 matches | ||
| Faceit | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 86 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




89 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7140 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,318 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3573 | 23% |
| Smokes | 3205 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 4107 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 4433 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,922,470 of utility $189 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6302 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chopstick | 49% | 106 |
| #2 | NeverSatisfried | 45% | 53 |
| #3 | ImDallas | 44% | 64 |
| #4 | jefedubois | 43% | 169 |
| #5 | KennY | 39% | 75 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | ImDallas | 44% | 64 |
| #4 | jefedubois | 43% | 169 |
| #5 | KennY | 39% | 75 |
| #6 | Lobster | 36% | 94 |
| #7 | Hazard | 34% | 70 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chopstick | 15 | 0.0068 |
| #2 | jefedubois | 12 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | Lobster | 6 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | NeverSatisfried | 6 | 0.0058 |
| #5 | Hazard | 4 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jefedubois | 556 | 0.16 | 17 min |
| #2 | ImDallas | 345 | 0.29 | 9 min |
| #3 | Lobster | 264 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #4 | NeverSatisfried | 159 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #5 | Chopstick | 134 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NeverSatisfried | +6.62 | 78 | 58 |
| #2 | Lobster | +0.98 | 52 | 51 |
| #3 | boogie⭕⃤ | +0.16 | 45 | 36 |
| #4 | ImDallas | -0.23 | 54 | 82 |
| #5 | Hazard | -0.34 | 59 | 64 |





