








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 664 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 285 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 48 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4044 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,459 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2603 | 23% |
| Smokes | 3469 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2552 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2835 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,049,610 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 174 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hemi<3 | 58% | 19 |
| #2 | NoName | 56% | 71 |
| #3 | Problem? | 54% | 26 |
| #4 | NooRespect | 52% | 56 |
| #5 | Potato Ninjas | Goofy | 51% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NooRespect | 157 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #2 | Potato Ninjas | Psycho | 140 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | Potato Ninjas | Goofy | 112 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | Potato Ninjas | Roy ✰ | 96 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | Fa1xy ツ | 88 | 0.10 | 3 min |





