








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 365 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 315 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 50 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2353 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,682 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2781 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2565 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1878 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1458 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $807,363 of utility $88 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 404 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mad_jack | 55% | 22 |
| #2 | NooRespect | 51% | 68 |
| #3 | Broc | 49% | 84 |
| #4 | Gong Gong | 47% | 30 |
| #5 | Fa1xy ツ | 46% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Huh? | 9 | 0.0151 |
| #2 | JeffY. ♿ | 7 | 0.0147 |
| #3 | Potato Ninjas | Roy ✰ | 6 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Potato Ninjas | Goofy | 6 | 0.0093 |
| #5 | Broc | 5 | 0.0028 |





