








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 483 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 258 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 39 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3530 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,411 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2615 | 18% |
| Smokes | 4398 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 3970 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 3428 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $733,522 of utility $112 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Legreid | 59% | 17 |
| #2 | The Dude Abides | 56% | 134 |
| #3 | Jøss | 55% | 134 |
| #4 | ase45bgwase45 | 55% | 64 |
| #5 | [EWA] ÜßЗЯ | 52% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Jøss | 55% | 134 |
| #4 | ase45bgwase45 | 55% | 64 |
| #5 | [EWA] ÜßЗЯ | 52% | 27 |
| #6 | Simen | 29% | 17 |
| #7 | Taddis | 22% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jøss | 6 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | [EWA] ÜßЗЯ | 2 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | The Dude Abides | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #4 | ase45bgwase45 | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jøss | 595 | 0.21 | 14 min |
| #2 | The Dude Abides | 226 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| #3 | ase45bgwase45 | 164 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | Simen | 95 | 0.26 | 3 min |
| #5 | [EWA] ÜßЗЯ | 67 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ase45bgwase45 | +3.12 | 76 | 69 |
| #2 | Simen | +2.68 | 89 | 72 |
| #3 | ed camper | +1.63 | 66 | 70 |
| #4 | Legreid | +0.21 | 32 | 70 |
| #5 | [EWA] ÜßЗЯ | -0.29 | 65 | 65 |





