








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1125 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 105 matches | 2,153 | |
| Faceit | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 36 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3079 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,588 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1117 | 20% |
| Smokes | 1719 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2041 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 711 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $875,197 of utility $206 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 31 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SÄÄÄjmON | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | mrstealyourwife | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | ehrling | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | GLUTENmacka | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | ✪ xNtz' | 1 | 0.0030 |





