








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 940 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 602 matches | ||
| Faceit | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Renown | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 102 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7002 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,357 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5299 | 22% |
| Smokes | 4526 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 8113 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 6419 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,254,402 of utility $151 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 999 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | affy_ | 61% | 57 |
| #2 | Comrade Stal1n loves craic | 57% | 44 |
| #3 | [kamikaze] | 54% | 48 |
| #4 | Stoney*(@)* | 51% | 297 |
| #5 | SL1DE | 48% | 353 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Comrade Stal1n loves craic | 57% | 44 |
| #3 | [kamikaze] | 54% | 48 |
| #4 | Stoney*(@)* | 51% | 297 |
| #5 | SL1DE | 48% | 353 |
| #6 | Local Crackhead | 46% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SL1DE | 23 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Local Crackhead | 8 | 0.0055 |
| #3 | Stoney*(@)* | 7 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | affy_ | 4 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | Comrade Stal1n loves craic | 2 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SL1DE | 753 | 0.10 | 18 min |
| #2 | Local Crackhead | 308 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| #3 | Stoney*(@)* | 227 | 0.04 | 6 min |
| #4 | Comrade Stal1n loves craic | 138 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #5 | [kamikaze] | 96 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Longy | +1.14 | 63 | 57 |
| #2 | SL1DE | +0.84 | 75 | 63 |
| #3 | Stoney*(@)* | -0.43 | 86 | 48 |
| #4 | Local Crackhead | -0.62 | 63 | 66 |
| #5 | [kamikaze] | -1.07 | 71 | 59 |





