








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 722 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 133 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 18 matches | ||
| Premier | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2453 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,609 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2397 | 25% |
| Smokes | 3033 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 2059 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2120 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $876,428 of utility $157 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 57 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Alaskantaikuri | 86% | 14 |
| #2 | Lude | 60% | 35 |
| #3 | MooseRum | 56% | 166 |
| #4 | thempson | 56% | 27 |
| #5 | sepi | 55% | 169 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | hnsh | 49% | 89 |
| #8 | Henkki | 49% | 92 |
| #9 | Toga | 49% | 92 |
| #10 | Lihapiirakka | 49% | 92 |
| #11 | Oiska | 49% | 113 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sepi | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | Toga | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | MooseRum | 3 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Henkki | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | hnsh | 3 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MooseRum | 1146 | 0.31 | 32 min |
| #2 | sepi | 674 | 0.18 | 19 min |
| #3 | Suomikettu | 259 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #4 | Lihapiirakka | 182 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #5 | Toga | 129 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sepi | +3.21 | 85 | 70 |
| #2 | Juiced | +1.01 | 66 | 69 |
| #3 | Lude | +0.77 | 77 | 60 |
| #4 | MooseRum | +0.28 | 59 | 71 |
| #5 | Alaskantaikuri | -0.38 | 64 | 66 |





