








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 241 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 146 matches | ||
| Premier | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Renown | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 56 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2386 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,765 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2019 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2634 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 2354 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 758 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $796,106 of utility $145 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 60 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Gros Nounours | 50% | 18 |
| #6 | βеηżǿ | 50% | 20 |
| #7 | Loustikoss | 45% | 33 |
| #8 | Saxxxxxx | 45% | 113 |
| #9 | PARAFIT | 44% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PARAFIT | 4 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | Le_-V | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | Magikhqrtz | 2 | 0.0067 |
| #4 | βеηżǿ | 1 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | Gros Nounours | 1 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Saxxxxxx | 518 | 0.21 | 13 min |
| #2 | Le_-V | 289 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #3 | PARAFIT | 169 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #4 | Gros Nounours | 122 | 0.32 | 3 min |
| #5 | Loustikoss | 97 | 0.13 | 2 min |





