








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 28 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 258 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2678 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,165 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1384 | 15% |
| Smokes | 3787 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 2283 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1711 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $805,284 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 486 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Narwhal | 72% | 18 |
| #2 | Corbyn | 59% | 17 |
| #3 | DJLobster# #Doggo#### ### ### | 57% | 28 |
| #4 | SUBNORMAL | 52% | 58 |
| #5 | Gorilla For Sale | 50% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Narwhal | 72% | 18 |
| #2 | Corbyn | 59% | 17 |
| #3 | DJLobster# #Doggo#### ### ### | 57% | 28 |
| #4 | SUBNORMAL | 52% | 58 |
| #5 | Gorilla For Sale | 50% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SUBNORMAL | 5 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Gorilla For Sale | 3 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | Narwhal | 3 | 0.0081 |
| #4 | Corbyn | 3 | 0.0084 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SUBNORMAL | 187 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #2 | DJLobster# #Doggo#### ### ### | 115 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #3 | Narwhal | 108 | 0.29 | 3 min |
| #4 | Corbyn | 54 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #5 | Gorilla For Sale | 8 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DJLobster# #Doggo#### ### ### | +3.00 | 71 | 62 |
| #2 | Corbyn | +2.51 | 77 | 43 |
| #3 | SUBNORMAL | +1.00 | 74 | 48 |
| #4 | Narwhal | +0.36 | 62 | 63 |
| #5 | Gorilla For Sale | -0.83 | 39 | 14 |





