








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 60 matches | ||
| Premier | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
769 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,866 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 915 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1002 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 944 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1005 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $115,322 of utility $61 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 27 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KeeyPee | 83% | 6 |
| #2 | any | 62% | 13 |
| #3 | symon | 60% | 10 |
| #4 | i love cs 🚬 | 58% | 12 |
| #5 | Vik53 | 56% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | WalkingFast | 40% | 5 |
| #12 | mugiwara rolan; | 38% | 16 |
| #13 | $EYED | 35% | 20 |
| #14 | noxq. | 33% | 9 |
| #15 | xajN_ | 29% | 7 |





