








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 142 matches | ||
| Faceit | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1613 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,305 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2051 | 22% |
| Smokes | 2017 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2810 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 2427 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $655,356 of utility $119 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ragvandill | 59% | 17 |
| #2 | Pk_bang | 55% | 49 |
| #3 | Tommi | 54% | 94 |
| #4 | BushidO™ | 54% | 24 |
| #5 | zet0r | 53% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | solvigunn | 47% | 89 |
| #14 | toti | 44% | 32 |
| #15 | Heza | 42% | 73 |
| #16 | Dr. Draven | 32% | 25 |
| #17 | Skaufinn | 31% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | solvigunn | 4 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Tommi | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Simpansi | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | Just Ekemos | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | Ragvandill | 2 | 0.0060 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Simpansi | 441 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #2 | solvigunn | 276 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #3 | Tommi | 123 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | Just Ekemos | 89 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | Heza | 87 | 0.05 | 3 min |





