








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 642 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 71 matches | ||
| Premier | 16 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1473 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,619 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1095 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1161 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1105 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1258 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $610,491 of utility $210 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 66 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | S0kken | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | Kruger | 59% | 34 |
| #3 | GRAN | 55% | 29 |
| #4 | Muffinmeistro | 51% | 59 |
| #5 | Lord Tøffluz | 50% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lord Tøffluz | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | CharlieXX | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Muffinmeistro | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lord Tøffluz | 468 | 0.20 | 12 min |
| #2 | Motzi | 298 | 0.21 | 9 min |
| #3 | Kruger | 184 | 0.24 | 6 min |
| #4 | Muffinmeistro | 75 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | CharlieXX | 73 | 0.05 | 2 min |





