








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 293 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 305 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 35 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2972 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,232 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3033 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2895 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2916 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2388 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,083,600 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 409 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BLOODY BASTARD | 51% | 49 |
| #2 | Gill | 48% | 63 |
| #3 | ALEX JONES | 47% | 152 |
| #4 | Max | 45% | 47 |
| #5 | Singus Biggle | 40% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | ALEX JONES | 47% | 152 |
| #4 | Max | 45% | 47 |
| #5 | Singus Biggle | 40% | 60 |
| #6 | yOWL | 39% | 23 |
| #7 | Maximum Effort | 38% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gill | 6 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | Singus Biggle | 6 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | ALEX JONES | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | BLOODY BASTARD | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Max | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ALEX JONES | 169 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #2 | Gill | 141 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | yOWL | 111 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #4 | Max | 105 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | Singus Biggle | 55 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BLOODY BASTARD | +3.88 | 71 | 51 |
| #2 | ALEX JONES | +3.31 | 62 | 60 |
| #3 | Max | +1.88 | 81 | 60 |
| #4 | Gill | +1.01 | 66 | 58 |
| #5 | Stinky Dingus | -0.17 | 53 | 62 |





