








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 167 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1637 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,331 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 227 | 5% |
| Smokes | 1865 | 43% |
| HE Grenades | 819 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1420 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,070,045 of utility $294 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 95 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ip man | 11 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Andro | 7 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Decept | 7 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | The Dusty Chest | 6 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | GGEZ | 6 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Decept | 672 | 0.18 | 20 min |
| #2 | ip man | 549 | 0.10 | 15 min |
| #3 | The Dusty Chest | 497 | 0.25 | 13 min |
| #4 | ElusiveSmoke | 253 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #5 | Andro | 203 | 0.05 | 4 min |





