








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 12 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 89 matches | ||
| Wingman | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1536 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,920 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3990 | 33% |
| Smokes | 3277 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2497 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2156 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $197,472 of utility $43 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 2am | 81% | 16 |
| #2 | Ankkalinna | 73% | 26 |
| #3 | <slugma>thΔll | 56% | 63 |
| #4 | Laiska | 52% | 122 |
| #5 | TadaaZ! | 51% | 140 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kpt.Sakke | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | Laiska | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | TadaaZ! | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | Ankkalinna | 2 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | pupperiina | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TadaaZ! | 446 | 0.16 | 12 min |
| #2 | Kpt.Sakke | 274 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #3 | Laiska | 97 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #4 | <slugma>thΔll | 92 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Ankkalinna | 59 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TadaaZ! | +3.09 | 74 | 70 |
| #2 | Kpt.Sakke | +1.16 | 49 | 59 |
| #3 | Laiska | +1.02 | 62 | 39 |
| #4 | 2am | +0.71 | 58 | 60 |
| #5 | 1manarmy | -0.24 | 48 | 78 |





