








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 218 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2481 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,827 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2955 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2996 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2486 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2390 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $391,281 of utility $75 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Timep | 58% | 38 |
| #2 | Invalid | 51% | 63 |
| #3 | Jucktmichnicht | 50% | 20 |
| #4 | not MK | 50% | 64 |
| #5 | :[ | 48% | 83 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | :[ | 48% | 83 |
| #6 | slite | 48% | 196 |
| #7 | kR1Z0 | 45% | 73 |
| #8 | nXs | 44% | 73 |
| #9 | Dibbsi | 38% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | slite | 10 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Invalid | 4 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | not MK | 3 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | :[ | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | nXs | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | slite | 528 | 0.13 | 15 min |
| #2 | kR1Z0 | 279 | 0.19 | 7 min |
| #3 | Invalid | 187 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #4 | nXs | 110 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | Timep | 101 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jucktmichnicht | +2.74 | 94 | 57 |
| #2 | nXs | +1.90 | 90 | 60 |
| #3 | Invalid | +0.92 | 82 | 65 |
| #4 | kR1Z0 | +0.86 | 78 | 70 |
| #5 | not MK | +0.78 | 83 | 49 |





