








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 161 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 403 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 60 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




62 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3874 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,502 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1356 | 18% |
| Smokes | 2899 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 1760 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1487 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $567,574 of utility $56 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 323 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John H. | 56% | 36 |
| #2 | malaise ambulant | 47% | 124 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John H. | 56% | 36 |
| #2 | malaise ambulant | 47% | 124 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | malaise ambulant | 27 | 0.0110 |
| #2 | John H. | 6 | 0.0084 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | malaise ambulant | 170 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #2 | John H. | 62 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Raviolant | +0.93 | 55 | 36 |
| #2 | John H. | -0.11 | 44 | 49 |
| #3 | malaise ambulant | -2.24 | 31 | 40 |





