








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 419 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 354 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 53 matches | ||
| Faceit | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4239 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,926 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2627 | 20% |
| Smokes | 4754 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 2880 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2665 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,480,615 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 698 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sauce | 52% | 71 |
| #2 | Shubenator | 49% | 74 |
| #3 | AAABAAAJSS | 48% | 58 |
| #4 | Lag | 48% | 63 |
| #5 | essentially ape | 44% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Lou Sputthole | 42% | 179 |
| #8 | BooskiBro | 40% | 144 |
| #9 | OldStove | 40% | 83 |
| #10 | Seff | 39% | 33 |
| #11 | Deathmegatron500 | 39% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lou Sputthole | 11 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | BooskiBro | 6 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | sauce | 6 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | Shubenator | 4 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | Lag | 3 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BooskiBro | 577 | 0.19 | 17 min |
| #2 | Lou Sputthole | 380 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #3 | essentially ape | 194 | 0.23 | 4 min |
| #4 | sauce | 186 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #5 | Lag | 180 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | essentially ape | +3.02 | 71 | 59 |
| #2 | BooskiBro | +2.61 | 59 | 77 |
| #3 | sauce | +2.38 | 69 | 62 |
| #4 | Lag | +2.03 | 59 | 60 |
| #5 | NumbSkull | -0.17 | 58 | 50 |





