








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 82 matches | ||
| Faceit | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1150 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,419 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1072 | 31% |
| Smokes | 550 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 909 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 888 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $375,053 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .koGe | 75% | 12 |
| #2 | Elisanliittyma | 75% | 12 |
| #3 | Fukmysushi | 58% | 12 |
| #4 | SuperGoofy | 55% | 22 |
| #5 | Public Idiot Number One | 50% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Public Idiot Number One | 50% | 10 |
| #6 | -Billy | 48% | 27 |
| #7 | darki3 | 48% | 25 |
| #8 | Jontte | 40% | 10 |
| #9 | 🆃🅷🅴 🅺🅸🅽🅶 BOB3000 | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -Billy | 2 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | SuperGoofy | 1 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | .koGe | 1 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | Jontte | 1 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -Billy | 167 | 0.28 | 5 min |
| #2 | Jontte | 53 | 0.24 | 1 min |
| #3 | .koGe | 50 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #4 | Elisanliittyma | 33 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | 🆃🅷🅴 🅺🅸🅽🅶 BOB3000 | 30 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Public Idiot Number One | +4.35 | 69 | 69 |
| #2 | 🆃🅷🅴 🅺🅸🅽🅶 BOB3000 | +2.15 | 63 | 70 |
| #3 | Fukmysushi | +2.12 | 80 | 66 |
| #4 | Elisanliittyma | +1.67 | 71 | 58 |
| #5 | -Billy | +1.40 | 61 | 80 |





