








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 159 matches | ||
| Faceit | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3616 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,499 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3103 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3000 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2894 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2502 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $541,382 of utility $78 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 다반시 | 9 | 0.0151 |
| #2 | Evil_fingA | 7 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | van Gogh | 5 | 0.0071 |
| #4 | ℟₾₡₭₴₮dž₦ | 4 | 0.0046 |
| #5 | Bismarck | 4 | 0.0083 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Evil_fingA | 312 | 0.15 | 8 min |
| #2 | 다반시 | 94 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #3 | ℟₾₡₭₴₮dž₦ | 90 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | van Gogh | 87 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | JpRogT | 66 | 0.09 | 2 min |





