








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
384 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 496 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 109 | 22% |
| Smokes | 171 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 150 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 66 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $28,651 of utility $48 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Michael | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | donut | 71% | 31 |
| #3 | SaltyGamja | 70% | 20 |
| #4 | JYK_ | 61% | 18 |
| #5 | Ol'Bertha R.I.P Ol'Bertha | 60% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Michael | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | donut | 71% | 31 |
| #3 | SaltyGamja | 70% | 20 |
| #4 | JYK_ | 61% | 18 |
| #5 | Ol'Bertha R.I.P Ol'Bertha | 60% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SaltyGamja | 4 | 0.0105 |
| #2 | donut | 3 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | JYK_ | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | donut | 167 | 0.28 | 5 min |
| #2 | JYK_ | 82 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #3 | SaltyGamja | 56 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #4 | Ol'Bertha R.I.P Ol'Bertha | 20 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Michael | 2 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | donut | +3.18 | 82 | 70 |
| #2 | PreF1ReD | +2.60 | 80 | 42 |
| #3 | SaltyGamja | +0.38 | 66 | 53 |
| #4 | JYK_ | +0.32 | 69 | 61 |
| #5 | Michael | -1.30 | 34 | 58 |





