








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 370 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 364 matches | ||
| Premier | 136 matches | ||
| Wingman | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 75 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4521 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 29,122 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8952 | 31% |
| Smokes | 7272 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 6937 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 5961 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,673,536 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 165 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | frewd | 46% | 89 |
| #11 | Newbie1Kenobi | 46% | 35 |
| #12 | HaGeL | 45% | 231 |
| #13 | Lolmister | 43% | 123 |
| #14 | ERAH | 41% | 114 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HaGeL | 8 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | Lolmister | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Qopy | 5 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | ✪ Johnny Drama | 4 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | jcbsrl | 3 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Samuel | 809 | 0.15 | 20 min |
| #2 | ✪ Johnny Drama | 722 | 0.10 | 21 min |
| #3 | HaGeL | 608 | 0.12 | 15 min |
| #4 | Op1e | 365 | 0.17 | 12 min |
| #5 | Lolmister | 324 | 0.12 | 9 min |





