








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 61 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 110 matches | ||
| Premier | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1177 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,004 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1985 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1889 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1773 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1357 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $405,149 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | ✪ Johnny Drama | 54% | 120 |
| #9 | jcbsrl | 53% | 43 |
| #10 | Cicolas Nage #Skinsmonkey | 50% | 117 |
| #11 | Samuel | 49% | 91 |
| #12 | HaGeL | 47% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cicolas Nage #Skinsmonkey | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | ✪ Johnny Drama | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | HaGeL | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | Lolmister | 3 | 0.0046 |
| #5 | Samuel | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cicolas Nage #Skinsmonkey | 358 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #2 | Samuel | 258 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #3 | ✪ Johnny Drama | 228 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #4 | HaGeL | 188 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #5 | Lolmister | 67 | 0.10 | 1 min |





