








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 150 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 361 matches | ||
| Premier | 92 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 41 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5009 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,320 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3707 | 26% |
| Smokes | 4770 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 2942 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2901 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,005,657 of utility $189 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 506 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Samuel | 51% | 273 |
| #8 | Lolmister | 50% | 117 |
| #9 | Cicolas Nage #Skinsmonkey | 48% | 351 |
| #10 | HaGeL | 46% | 196 |
| #11 | ERAH | 46% | 122 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cicolas Nage #Skinsmonkey | 11 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | HaGeL | 4 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | jcbsrl | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Lolmister | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Samuel | 3 | 0.0005 |





