








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 184 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 384 matches | ||
| Premier | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3837 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,271 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3682 | 23% |
| Smokes | 4161 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 4552 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 3876 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,429,745 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | koupe | 67% | 36 |
| #2 | calgy | 62% | 58 |
| #3 | Myrdsi | 61% | 31 |
| #4 | SMUPPE. | 61% | 61 |
| #5 | Votoslogos | 52% | 93 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Votoslogos | 52% | 93 |
| #6 | TokuToku | 52% | 33 |
| #7 | Jaikki | 51% | 136 |
| #8 | HANNU | 50% | 24 |
| #9 | Kevin Durak | 49% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | calgy | 6 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | HANNU | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | Jaikki | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #4 | Votoslogos | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | TokuToku | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jaikki | 571 | 0.20 | 16 min |
| #2 | Votoslogos | 234 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #3 | calgy | 220 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #4 | SMUPPE. | 158 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #5 | HANNU | 108 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | calgy | +3.03 | 88 | 71 |
| #2 | Kevin Durak | +0.89 | 66 | 67 |
| #3 | SMUPPE. | +0.88 | 69 | 72 |
| #4 | TokuToku | +0.43 | 67 | 61 |
| #5 | vede | +0.37 | 68 | 68 |





