








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 800 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 339 matches | ||
| Faceit | 192 matches | ||
| Wingman | 119 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 52 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5244 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 33,449 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10328 | 31% |
| Smokes | 9663 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 5390 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 8068 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,515,339 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 105 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | R o /V /V `/ | 54% | 189 |
| #2 | Juqu3r | 53% | 76 |
| #3 | Fireblade | 52% | 189 |
| #4 | seak | 51% | 37 |
| #5 | Kenobiwan | 51% | 177 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | seak | 51% | 37 |
| #5 | Kenobiwan | 51% | 177 |
| #6 | Vincent | 48% | 48 |
| #7 | Wheezy | 47% | 113 |
| #8 | Kvikne | 47% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wheezy | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | R o /V /V `/ | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | Kenobiwan | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | Fireblade | 1 | 0.0002 |
| #5 | Juqu3r | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fireblade | 1003 | 0.24 | 29 min |
| #2 | Kenobiwan | 401 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #3 | Wheezy | 282 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #4 | seak | 159 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #5 | Juqu3r | 154 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Juqu3r | +1.84 | 81 | 64 |
| #2 | seak | +1.38 | 56 | 68 |
| #3 | Vincent | +0.84 | 74 | 70 |
| #4 | Kenobiwan | +0.68 | 71 | 73 |
| #5 | /-`/_/ /-/ /_ Bussard | +0.32 | 61 | 70 |





