








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 298 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 79 matches | ||
| Faceit | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2460 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,877 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 992 | 17% |
| Smokes | 1612 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1828 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1445 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,320,648 of utility $229 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 291 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stay_Classy | 71% | 34 |
| #2 | RogueSquidward | 67% | 88 |
| #3 | Jon Taught Me | 63% | 51 |
| #4 | Jam | 61% | 18 |
| #5 | Mr. CEO | 59% | 80 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Mr. CEO | 59% | 80 |
| #6 | Aangst | 59% | 29 |
| #7 | DCB6113 | 58% | 209 |
| #8 | Albert Simmons | 55% | 69 |
| #9 | ScottyVolta | 47% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DCB6113 | 35 | 0.0082 |
| #2 | Albert Simmons | 10 | 0.0074 |
| #3 | RogueSquidward | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Mr. CEO | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | Stay_Classy | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DCB6113 | 499 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #2 | RogueSquidward | 304 | 0.16 | 9 min |
| #3 | Albert Simmons | 278 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| #4 | Stay_Classy | 256 | 0.34 | 9 min |
| #5 | Jon Taught Me | 187 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ScottyVolta | +3.53 | 84 | 75 |
| #2 | Stay_Classy | +2.85 | 77 | 80 |
| #3 | RogueSquidward | +2.43 | 68 | 69 |
| #4 | Albert Simmons | +1.86 | 73 | 56 |
| #5 | DCB6113 | +1.14 | 82 | 54 |





