








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 554 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 125 matches | ||
| Premier | 84 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 72 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2562 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,802 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3274 | 26% |
| Smokes | 3411 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 4035 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 2082 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $630,003 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 276 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Proviral (2nd shift.) | 63% | 16 |
| #9 | GutlessMist | 63% | 24 |
| #10 | Aangst | 61% | 44 |
| #11 | SnakesJR | 55% | 22 |
| #12 | Mr. CEO | 50% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DCB6113 | 11 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | Stay_Classy | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | ScottyVolta | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | GutlessMist | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | Jon Taught Me | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stay_Classy | 737 | 0.29 | 25 min |
| #2 | Jon Taught Me | 504 | 0.18 | 11 min |
| #3 | ScottyVolta | 242 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #4 | DCB6113 | 233 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #5 | jr2 | 152 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ScottyVolta | +2.80 | 84 | 71 |
| #2 | SnakesJR | +2.33 | 76 | 75 |
| #3 | Stay_Classy | +2.28 | 77 | 81 |
| #4 | RogueSquidward | +1.58 | 68 | 69 |
| #5 | Proviral (2nd shift.) | +0.41 | 66 | 65 |





