








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 870 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 293 matches | ||
| Faceit | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5264 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,686 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5468 | 26% |
| Smokes | 6748 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 3641 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 4829 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,013,766 of utility $111 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | duvan🕊 | 58% | 101 |
| #2 | Logik | 54% | 196 |
| #3 | Jabooty | 53% | 271 |
| #4 | VastoLorde | 51% | 327 |
| #5 | Jormungand | 50% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | VastoLorde | 11 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | Logik | 8 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Jabooty | 5 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Galilya | 4 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | iskuben | 3 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jabooty | 1368 | 0.24 | 30 min |
| #2 | VastoLorde | 1161 | 0.17 | 32 min |
| #3 | Logik | 650 | 0.15 | 17 min |
| #4 | duvan🕊 | 441 | 0.21 | 13 min |
| #5 | Galilya | 201 | 0.04 | 5 min |





