








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1071 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 128 matches | ||
| Faceit | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2907 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,019 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7137 | 48% |
| Smokes | 3093 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2103 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 2686 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $844,770 of utility $120 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 756 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Schizo Static | 71% | 21 |
| #2 | Gary Goodspeed | 62% | 21 |
| #3 | Schiziod | 56% | 32 |
| #4 | Peach | 56% | 180 |
| #5 | Yogi Bear | 54% | 89 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Peach | 56% | 180 |
| #5 | Yogi Bear | 54% | 89 |
| #6 | oOoCozzAoOo | 53% | 38 |
| #7 | st. killswitch | 48% | 105 |
| #8 | Keenap | 44% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Peach | 24 | 0.0064 |
| #2 | Yogi Bear | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Keenap | 3 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | st. killswitch | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | Schiziod | 2 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Peach | 671 | 0.18 | 18 min |
| #2 | st. killswitch | 390 | 0.18 | 10 min |
| #3 | oOoCozzAoOo | 236 | 0.29 | 5 min |
| #4 | Keenap | 102 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | Schiziod | 98 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Peach | +5.43 | 87 | 71 |
| #2 | Schizo Static | +0.89 | 88 | 72 |
| #3 | st. killswitch | +0.64 | 74 | 56 |
| #4 | Schiziod | +0.58 | 86 | 67 |
| #5 | Gary Goodspeed | +0.33 | 84 | 51 |





