








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 12 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 137 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1275 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,130 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 726 | 14% |
| Smokes | 1097 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2432 | 47% |
| Molotovs | 875 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $287,697 of utility $79 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Johnny Sins | 67% | 12 |
| #2 | Maff | 52% | 25 |
| #3 | BirddIE | 48% | 117 |
| #4 | Salv | 47% | 135 |
| #5 | Clownmask | 47% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | BirddIE | 48% | 117 |
| #4 | Salv | 47% | 135 |
| #5 | Clownmask | 47% | 34 |
| #6 | Eldarkon | 45% | 119 |
| #7 | 𝐍𝐢𝐪𝐍𝐚𝐌𝐞 | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eldarkon | 6 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | BirddIE | 5 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Salv | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #4 | Maff | 1 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Johnny Sins | 1 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Salv | 375 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #2 | BirddIE | 253 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #3 | Eldarkon | 179 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #4 | Maff | 59 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | Clownmask | 38 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Salv | +2.93 | 46 | 67 |
| #2 | Johnny Sins | +2.53 | 25 | 49 |
| #3 | 𝐍𝐢𝐪𝐍𝐚𝐌𝐞 | +2.43 | 62 | 32 |
| #4 | Eldarkon | -0.67 | 20 | 61 |
| #5 | Maff | -1.00 | 13 | 65 |





