








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 35 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 23 matches | ||
| Premier | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
647 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,775 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 621 | 22% |
| Smokes | 858 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 654 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 642 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $254,797 of utility $151 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Helloyello | 70% | 20 |
| #2 | ✞Faðir Dingo✞ | 66% | 32 |
| #3 | Rustikusぷ | 61% | 23 |
| #4 | Mr.Otti | 55% | 22 |
| #5 | Smokes | 55% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Helloyello | 2 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | Smokes | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | Gaui_Svice | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | ✞Faðir Dingo✞ | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Rustikusぷ | 1 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Trashman | 108 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #2 | Mr.Otti | 52 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #3 | ✞Faðir Dingo✞ | 47 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | Helloyello | 42 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Gaui_Svice | 37 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.Otti | +1.00 | 46 | 63 |
| #2 | ✞Faðir Dingo✞ | +0.64 | 46 | 53 |
| #3 | Smokes | +0.46 | 26 | 22 |
| #4 | Helloyello | +0.31 | 44 | 60 |
| #5 | The Trashman | +0.31 | 54 | 70 |





