








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 498 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 159 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 67 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2300 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,035 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3025 | 33% |
| Smokes | 2349 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1869 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1792 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $647,041 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 29 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mo | 76% | 21 |
| #2 | Strudel | 68% | 19 |
| #3 | oli | 67% | 18 |
| #4 | Final | 63% | 30 |
| #5 | Kuhla. | 46% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mo | 76% | 21 |
| #2 | Strudel | 68% | 19 |
| #3 | oli | 67% | 18 |
| #4 | Final | 63% | 30 |
| #5 | Kuhla. | 46% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mo | 2 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | oli | 2 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | Final | 1 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Strudel | 1 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Final | 104 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #2 | Mo | 47 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #3 | oli | 35 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | Strudel | 33 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | Kuhla. | 12 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mo | +2.25 | 79 | 59 |
| #2 | oli | +1.30 | 88 | 51 |
| #3 | Final | +1.02 | 79 | 76 |
| #4 | Don Lapeno | +0.81 | 83 | 66 |
| #5 | Strudel | +0.27 | 61 | 80 |





