








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 53 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 329 matches | ||
| Faceit | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4661 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,612 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4363 | 30% |
| Smokes | 4253 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3729 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2267 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $919,285 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 171 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fonk | 55% | 73 |
| #2 | bWiLLzzzzzz | 53% | 49 |
| #3 | nS | 53% | 304 |
| #4 | LazyYak | 52% | 23 |
| #5 | Danny | 36% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | bWiLLzzzzzz | 53% | 49 |
| #3 | nS | 53% | 304 |
| #4 | LazyYak | 52% | 23 |
| #5 | Danny | 36% | 22 |
| #6 | -hazey- | 34% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nS | 5 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | Fonk | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | bWiLLzzzzzz | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | LazyYak | 1 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Danny | 1 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nS | 721 | 0.11 | 17 min |
| #2 | Fonk | 270 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #3 | bWiLLzzzzzz | 231 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #4 | -hazey- | 182 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #5 | Danny | 95 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bWiLLzzzzzz | +1.64 | 71 | 83 |
| #2 | SID | +0.75 | 87 | 69 |
| #3 | Fonk | +0.58 | 82 | 65 |
| #4 | nS | -0.88 | 83 | 57 |
| #5 | LazyYak | -1.05 | 67 | 68 |





