








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 886 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 164 matches | ||
| Faceit | 155 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 57 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3519 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,132 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3879 | 23% |
| Smokes | 4562 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 4665 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 4026 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $703,929 of utility $90 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 211 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sweeet | 70% | 27 |
| #2 | pooky | 64% | 64 |
| #3 | AHumanBeing | 62% | 26 |
| #4 | Alyxport | 58% | 53 |
| #5 | tbreezy | 53% | 219 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | AHumanBeing | 62% | 26 |
| #4 | Alyxport | 58% | 53 |
| #5 | tbreezy | 53% | 219 |
| #6 | Burgus Churgus | 52% | 25 |
| #7 | zay | 50% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tbreezy | 9 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | Sweeet | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | pooky | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | Alyxport | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tbreezy | 501 | 0.10 | 12 min |
| #2 | pooky | 203 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | Alyxport | 161 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #4 | Burgus Churgus | 100 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | Sweeet | 82 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pooky | +1.99 | 76 | 62 |
| #2 | Alyxport | +1.83 | 84 | 64 |
| #3 | Deranged | +0.85 | 68 | 68 |
| #4 | tbreezy | +0.67 | 87 | 59 |
| #5 | zay | -0.16 | 52 | 56 |





