








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 581 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 319 matches | ||
| Faceit | 131 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 19 matches | ||
| Wingman | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6366 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,628 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6589 | 26% |
| Smokes | 8205 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 4254 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 6580 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,273,661 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 332 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Alyxport | 54% | 69 |
| #2 | jxshye | 52% | 201 |
| #3 | zay | 51% | 506 |
| #4 | tbreezy | 51% | 49 |
| #5 | Huge Wang | 49% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Alyxport | 54% | 69 |
| #2 | jxshye | 52% | 201 |
| #3 | zay | 51% | 506 |
| #4 | tbreezy | 51% | 49 |
| #5 | Huge Wang | 49% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zay | 22 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | jxshye | 21 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | Alyxport | 8 | 0.0057 |
| #4 | tbreezy | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | Huge Wang | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zay | 495 | 0.05 | 13 min |
| #2 | jxshye | 263 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #3 | Alyxport | 245 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #4 | tbreezy | 81 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | Huge Wang | 54 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Alyxport | +1.77 | 85 | 62 |
| #2 | zay | +0.86 | 60 | 48 |
| #3 | Burgus Churgus | +0.72 | 67 | 67 |
| #4 | tbreezy | +0.27 | 86 | 65 |
| #5 | jxshye | -0.45 | 69 | 33 |





